Thoughtful

Exquisite. You always seem to surprise me, hm? I appreciate you answering one of the questions..."I only told you so you would understand. If something happened." More for you than me? I feel special. I'm only joking, though. I can't seem to keep a serious attitude when I'm talking about you in an appreciative way.
...Jokes aside, my heart did sink. I immediately put two and two together after you messaged me. I had the thought you updated your blog. I was right. And when I read it..It was as if God dropped a weight on my chest. I understand. As much as I hate it..I understand. And I can deal with it. ..I can fucking deal with it. And I have to keep telling myself "Forget him. Forget him! He. Doesn't. Love. You. He said it! HE. DOESN'T. CARE." It was never real. Tell me, God. Is it possible to be fucking in love one day and fall out the next? Just like that? Your conscious doesn't even say anything about it? Nothing? You don't give it a second thought? You open your eyes and sigh in the morning. Sit up. Look around and think "Fuck that. Who the hell is she? She's nothing special." I can't possibly understand and I never will. The only logical explanation is that you were never in love.
What angers me the most, honestly, is myself. How could I have fallen so easily for you? (I'm so fucked up. My imagination automatically responded for you in a narcissistic way. I can imagine you, arrogant boy, saying something like "all the girls do" or "You can't help it. I'm addicting.") How could I not see that you were wrong for me? You were experience, I wasn't. First warning. You started out sexual. I started out friendly. (And in the inside I'm calling myself a liar. I thought about you before you even knew who I was. I doubt you remember. We used to have huge conversations in one of the RP games I play. I was just another player, then.) And lastly, how you ditched me for two weeks when I needed you most. What fucking PISSES me OFF is how I died when broke up. I fucking died. It took me months to get over you, and even now..I'm still not completely over you. You're so. fucking. Wonderful. You're an amazing person. You're funny. You're handsome as hell. You're intelligent. You're daring. You're promiscuous, even! You're special..You're imaginative. You're brave. Strong. Courageous. I might even call you my hero. My savior. The man you promised you'd be for me. It was all a lie.
I'm in love with a boy who doesn't even want me around.
I'm in love with a boy who make me feel like shit.
I'm in love with a boy who broke all his promises.
I'm in love with a boy who, in the end, the very end..Hurt me fucking bad.
I'm in love with a boy who is too good for me.
I'm in love with a boy who, truthfully, doesn't deserve a girl like me.
What do I have to offer? Looks? No. The only attractive part of me is..I don't have anything attractive, fuck that. Do I have money? No. Do I have intelligence? Hardly. Humor? No. I'm as funny as a dead puppy. WHAT is there in me that -anyone- can find attractive? WHAT? Fie my fucking life. Oh wait. ...Again I forgot. That's another thing to add to the list of "Why Not To Date Kelsy" She'll be dead in less than a year.