Oh how I hate.

Oh how I hate living a lie,
going back to school,
pretending that all the horrible things that went on in my home,
just this night, those things that threaten death,
those things that cause tears,
things that would terrify normal people,
drive anyone insane,
things that make me scream in fear..

But not of my death.
I don't fear death anymore.
I haven't for a long time.
I wouldn't mind dying at all,
by car crash, disease or freak accident..
I wouldn't mind.
I only fear,
death,
for,
my..
someone close to me.

I've been fighting to keep them alive,
for three years now,
and I will always,
do my best to keep strong.

Today I was strong and calm,
for nearly 45 minutes.
And one thing.
One action.
Brought me crashing down.
Screaming.
And crying.

Oh how I hate to lie,
to go back to school,
and pretend that I live a normal life,
that none of this happens to me,
that I didn't just go through a normal kid's worst nightmare.
Oh how I hate to live this lie.