No..

That was my first thought when I woke up... I'm alive. No. Why? Why am alive?! I hear your words replaying in my head over and over and I cry again. And I ask God why I'm alive. I asked him -one- thing and he couldn't do it? Why? Are you alive? That clutched at my heart and I quickly went to your wall to Facebook. There was a suspenseful moment when it hadn't fully loaded and I was waiting to see "R.I.P"s allover your wall. And then it loaded. "Rogues do it from behind ;3"...
I was sooo relieved. But I'm so frustrated. I can't ... Why does it have to be like this. What are the odds that I'd fall in love with someone, find out I'm dying, and then find out they are dying?