No, just let down because I've accepted the fact it's not me and it never will be.
Accepted the way he hates me, turns to me when he's bored, or when he's lonely because she won't talk to him. Isn't that enough?
It is. It is enough, because at least he's there, at least I know I crossed his mind at some point.
But
honestly, it will never be enough. No one will ever be enough because
no one will ever be more perfect for me than he was. He set that fucking
bar so high that every other boy I meet, every other boy that likes me,
loves me, falls for me- I don't care for them. I did try, I did try
with a couple boys, I tried to care for them, I tried to love them, to
fall for them if only a little, but I could not. I could not lie to
myself and I could not lie to them.
In the depths of my attempts at love, I realized something, I was him.
I
was lying to a person who was vulnerable, open, and naive. I was
pretending to like them, when I didn't. The attraction, the smiles, the
little words and quirks, the suggestiveness and offhand one-word things I
say just to keep the conversation flowing when I was utterly
uninterested: It was all a lie.
I realized what I was doing, I
apologized, I confessed my lack of interest and my fear, I let out that
there wasn't anything wrong with him, it was me, I was in love with
another and I couldn't force myself to love anyone else. And then I
left.
Everything I did was done to me, and that scares me. It
terrifies me that I would do something like that to someone and to
myself. It grabs onto my thoughts and squeezes until all I can think
about is, "Was that what I was? A distraction from the girl he was in
love with? He was in love with someone who did
--
and then I crashed, and I lost the entire six more paragraphs that I had written. But they were so fucking beautiful that I want to die now. I'll never be able to write something as I had, but I lost them. And I'll never recover them or replace them.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Saturday, October 6, 2012
I Will Never Leave Your Side
No matter how hard you hurt me, how loud you scream at me, or how much you hate me. I will not fucking leave you. Ever.
You posted something:
"I will make you hurt."
I immediately texted you:
"What's wrong?"
You: "Fuck. Off."
You: "I'm hurt. I really am."
You: "It hurts so fucking much."
Me: "Who's hurting you?"
You: "Its a pain I cant heal. I can't hold it, can't put an icepack on"
You: "I can make it go away. I can."
You: "I said fuck off."
You: "It's none of your business nor should you be in my fucking head.
You: "Stay the Hell away"
Me: "Whatever you want."
You: "Liars and thieves...All of them"
--
I'll obey what you want, I'll shut up for now, but should I fucking tell you not to die? Not to kill yourself? Or do you know. Will me telling you not to make you want to do it? What do I do? Fuck.
God will not let you hurt yourself. If he loves me, He will protect you.
You posted something:
"I will make you hurt."
I immediately texted you:
"What's wrong?"
You: "Fuck. Off."
You: "I'm hurt. I really am."
You: "It hurts so fucking much."
Me: "Who's hurting you?"
You: "Its a pain I cant heal. I can't hold it, can't put an icepack on"
You: "I can make it go away. I can."
You: "I said fuck off."
You: "It's none of your business nor should you be in my fucking head.
You: "Stay the Hell away"
Me: "Whatever you want."
You: "Liars and thieves...All of them"
--
I'll obey what you want, I'll shut up for now, but should I fucking tell you not to die? Not to kill yourself? Or do you know. Will me telling you not to make you want to do it? What do I do? Fuck.
God will not let you hurt yourself. If he loves me, He will protect you.
Monday, September 10, 2012
It's my birthday
Sixteenth, the number where I believed I would run away and get married or something. Seems silly now, but extremely possible, if we were still in love.
Anyways, I skipped school and just woke up from the scariest dream. It really was terrible, horrible, terrible, it's all I think right now.
~We woke up in the forest, a bit of machinery wreckage would soon prove to be shelter and height from the oncoming zombies. They would carry trays of randomized items, pencils, remotes with batteries inside, bottles, just overall pretty useless items that you had to be creative with. Every human, all 25 of us, we were all terrified at first, but all we could do was run and kill, we couldn't defend, we could only run and run and kill and maim.
At one point, a bit of a climax, my mom found this working car in the wreckage, some beat up ugly silver Nissan. It was old and she got in and was supposed to run down the zombies, right? Well it was a lot harder than it seems to us in the movies and books.
The car could hardly move and it kept on stalling. The zombie up front with some other man and I, was getting a bit vicious and it was harder and harder to dodge the thing. We were trying to keep him in the open so she could have access, of course.
Once she'd finally gotten the car out and ready to accelerate the bastard, all the humans arrived, the 20 something alive. They were running about and I was screaming at them to get out of the way so she could kill this Zombie, but with the humans came more zombies.
Soon enough I was too busy hanging from a balcony (Of my house for some reason) being tugged on by this super fat zombie to notice my mom. He was heavy, but I was strong enough to pull out of his bloody grip. (All the humans and zombies in my dream switched locations from the forest to my house.) That didn't really help me, though because there was this dead woman walking out from my room towards my exposed hands. I screamed and screamed and eventually dropped down onto the fat zombie and just punched his neck and head and face until he died. I was scared, terrified.
We managed to kill all the zombies in the house. My mom was there, giving people water from the kitchen as they panted and cleaned themselves up. Some were bleeding, but from self harm. They hadn't been bitten or scratched or anything. I stepped outside and there, sitting in my garage, was Eternity's car. In the driver's seat was Eternity, of course, and in the back was Katie. I got into the passengers, no questions asked, we just drove down the street and around my neighborhood. Everything was chaos, but peaceful, kind of like a post-apocalypse setting. But there were zombies being dropped out of nowhere, they'd land, stand, and start shuffling around, bloody and grotesque. We quickly drove back and Katie ran in to tell the remaining humans.
Eternity and I decided to commit suicide, and we drowned ourselves somehow, in front of Katie. Katie didn't want to die, but Eternity and I didn't want to continue running and killing and we didn't want to turn into zombies. We'd done our part already. But Katie was then alone outside and there were hundreds coming towards her. Some how we grabbed onto her arms as spirits and
pulled her spirit out. Her body fell onto the road, dead, obviously, and our spirits were shipped to this building, this huuuuge underground factory.
There were humans, spirits really, in line being processed by white-coats. 95% of them were being turned into zombies and shipped up into the world, the other 5% were spared for bizarre reasons. I faked OCD perfectly, and was sent to the waiting room for humans. Only me, though, along with some others, including a friend called Peyton, but not for long.
Soon enough they realized who I was and they turned me. I told them that if they turned me, I'd survive, I'd not be dead-minded, and I'd kill the rest of the zombies.
They told me that it'd be bad for my friends if I tried to rebel. ...What's worse than being turned into a zombie? I couldn't think of anything so when they did turn me, I immediately began to slaughter everyone, the zombies, the scientists, and then I saw my mother's head... I saw her among the rest of the zombies headed up to the world that I hadn't killed, yet.~
And I woke up, horrified.
~It was terrible, but I went back to sleep almost immediately and there I was in the real world, I hid my mother, Eternity, Katie, and Amber in separate cells. My bite, apparently, shifted zombies back into humans. It was very difficult, though. For instance I bit Katie and as she writhed and turned back to normal, she was terrified, screaming and screaming. Why? Because I was a zombie, and there were 3 other zombies in cells clawing at the walls and moaning. I could talk, though. I tried to get her to calm down, but I couldn't. She wouldn't stop screaming. So I just moved on and saved Eternity. And Katie quieted, Eternity was flipping out, then, but not as noisily as Katie. I turned Amber and by then Katie and Eternity were alright, they weren't totally alarmed at seeing me. When I turned my mom it took a long while for me to be able to explain who I was, what I was, and what had happened.
I let them stay in this elevated room, invisible white room where no one could find them. I told them I'd bring all the humans I could up here for them to tend to. That was hard, too. I looked like a zombie, but whenever I found a zombie/human struggle I'd attack the zombie, get them away from the human, but have to some how keep the human nearby. I'd need them to help the newly-revived-human back to the hide-out. My work was a total success. Everyone, literally everyone had been turned back...Except I was still a zombie. ~
But I woke up. :c Sad faced.
Anyways, I skipped school and just woke up from the scariest dream. It really was terrible, horrible, terrible, it's all I think right now.
~We woke up in the forest, a bit of machinery wreckage would soon prove to be shelter and height from the oncoming zombies. They would carry trays of randomized items, pencils, remotes with batteries inside, bottles, just overall pretty useless items that you had to be creative with. Every human, all 25 of us, we were all terrified at first, but all we could do was run and kill, we couldn't defend, we could only run and run and kill and maim.
At one point, a bit of a climax, my mom found this working car in the wreckage, some beat up ugly silver Nissan. It was old and she got in and was supposed to run down the zombies, right? Well it was a lot harder than it seems to us in the movies and books.
The car could hardly move and it kept on stalling. The zombie up front with some other man and I, was getting a bit vicious and it was harder and harder to dodge the thing. We were trying to keep him in the open so she could have access, of course.
Once she'd finally gotten the car out and ready to accelerate the bastard, all the humans arrived, the 20 something alive. They were running about and I was screaming at them to get out of the way so she could kill this Zombie, but with the humans came more zombies.
Soon enough I was too busy hanging from a balcony (Of my house for some reason) being tugged on by this super fat zombie to notice my mom. He was heavy, but I was strong enough to pull out of his bloody grip. (All the humans and zombies in my dream switched locations from the forest to my house.) That didn't really help me, though because there was this dead woman walking out from my room towards my exposed hands. I screamed and screamed and eventually dropped down onto the fat zombie and just punched his neck and head and face until he died. I was scared, terrified.
We managed to kill all the zombies in the house. My mom was there, giving people water from the kitchen as they panted and cleaned themselves up. Some were bleeding, but from self harm. They hadn't been bitten or scratched or anything. I stepped outside and there, sitting in my garage, was Eternity's car. In the driver's seat was Eternity, of course, and in the back was Katie. I got into the passengers, no questions asked, we just drove down the street and around my neighborhood. Everything was chaos, but peaceful, kind of like a post-apocalypse setting. But there were zombies being dropped out of nowhere, they'd land, stand, and start shuffling around, bloody and grotesque. We quickly drove back and Katie ran in to tell the remaining humans.
Eternity and I decided to commit suicide, and we drowned ourselves somehow, in front of Katie. Katie didn't want to die, but Eternity and I didn't want to continue running and killing and we didn't want to turn into zombies. We'd done our part already. But Katie was then alone outside and there were hundreds coming towards her. Some how we grabbed onto her arms as spirits and
pulled her spirit out. Her body fell onto the road, dead, obviously, and our spirits were shipped to this building, this huuuuge underground factory.
There were humans, spirits really, in line being processed by white-coats. 95% of them were being turned into zombies and shipped up into the world, the other 5% were spared for bizarre reasons. I faked OCD perfectly, and was sent to the waiting room for humans. Only me, though, along with some others, including a friend called Peyton, but not for long.
Soon enough they realized who I was and they turned me. I told them that if they turned me, I'd survive, I'd not be dead-minded, and I'd kill the rest of the zombies.
They told me that it'd be bad for my friends if I tried to rebel. ...What's worse than being turned into a zombie? I couldn't think of anything so when they did turn me, I immediately began to slaughter everyone, the zombies, the scientists, and then I saw my mother's head... I saw her among the rest of the zombies headed up to the world that I hadn't killed, yet.~
And I woke up, horrified.
~It was terrible, but I went back to sleep almost immediately and there I was in the real world, I hid my mother, Eternity, Katie, and Amber in separate cells. My bite, apparently, shifted zombies back into humans. It was very difficult, though. For instance I bit Katie and as she writhed and turned back to normal, she was terrified, screaming and screaming. Why? Because I was a zombie, and there were 3 other zombies in cells clawing at the walls and moaning. I could talk, though. I tried to get her to calm down, but I couldn't. She wouldn't stop screaming. So I just moved on and saved Eternity. And Katie quieted, Eternity was flipping out, then, but not as noisily as Katie. I turned Amber and by then Katie and Eternity were alright, they weren't totally alarmed at seeing me. When I turned my mom it took a long while for me to be able to explain who I was, what I was, and what had happened.
I let them stay in this elevated room, invisible white room where no one could find them. I told them I'd bring all the humans I could up here for them to tend to. That was hard, too. I looked like a zombie, but whenever I found a zombie/human struggle I'd attack the zombie, get them away from the human, but have to some how keep the human nearby. I'd need them to help the newly-revived-human back to the hide-out. My work was a total success. Everyone, literally everyone had been turned back...Except I was still a zombie. ~
But I woke up. :c Sad faced.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Am I a liar? For grinning at everyone who looks at me?
I haven’t cried like that in a while…
When I’m so ridiculously sad that the tears literally start pouring down my cheeks before I even slam the front door shut behind me.
I don’t really pay attention to where I walk, I just walk, I stumble down the dark streets open-mouthed and crying.
I sometimes wish there would be someone I could run to, someone who would see me alone in the streets with a hand clutching at my heart and another pushing my hair back as I sob.
Not the ugly, wail sobs. The shoulders bunching together and collapsing, throat burning, shaking like a leaf type of sobbing.
I know what my eyes look like and it shames me..
My eyebrows knit together and my eyes are narrowed and dilated. Why am I always so confused when I’m hurt? I let people down when I cry. All of my friends who think I’m just some normal girl who’s strong (I hate that word now- strong) and never cries and has no reason to. I feel so terrible when it happens. I want to die because I hate looking so miserable. I hate looking in the mirror and seeing some emotionless-looking girl. I wish I had a better looking smile. It feels wrong to me, like I lost the muscles to pull my lips into a smile. When I grin, it feels wrong, unusual, deformed.
I wish I could help everyone. I wish that my dad, when he hurts me, I wish it would take his pain away, that he could be happy for once. I wish he would smile more, that his boss will give him a raise, and his co-workers could climb off his back. I wish some stupid miracle would pull him out of debt and that everything in our house would stop breaking because we can’t afford to fix it. I wish he’d stop thinking about my on-coming death or my dog’s weak immune system. I wish he’d not bad mouth my mother so often.
I wish my brother would come off his addiction, his obsession, his drug. I wish he wouldn’t hate me for talking to him. I wish he didn’t have such a disgusting psychotic state. I wish he would smile more.
I wish my mom would be content with the money she’s getting, that she’d stop being so cynical about everything. I wish she would smile more.
I wish my sister would smile more.
I don’t have anyone to talk to except for posting useless idiocy on Facebook to make it seem like I have a life. (Now that I say it, it sounds stupid. Facebook isn’t any way to live. Maybe I should quit that, too.)
I hope I die soon.
I wish that whenever there’s a girl around (or a boy) who’s lost in pain and utterly hopeless near me…that my heart would beat faster and I could find them and wrap my arms around them and hold them tightly because their life depends on it.
Someone once told me that two birds with broken wings can’t learn to fly together.
Fuck that.
When I’m so ridiculously sad that the tears literally start pouring down my cheeks before I even slam the front door shut behind me.
I don’t really pay attention to where I walk, I just walk, I stumble down the dark streets open-mouthed and crying.
I sometimes wish there would be someone I could run to, someone who would see me alone in the streets with a hand clutching at my heart and another pushing my hair back as I sob.
Not the ugly, wail sobs. The shoulders bunching together and collapsing, throat burning, shaking like a leaf type of sobbing.
I know what my eyes look like and it shames me..
My eyebrows knit together and my eyes are narrowed and dilated. Why am I always so confused when I’m hurt? I let people down when I cry. All of my friends who think I’m just some normal girl who’s strong (I hate that word now- strong) and never cries and has no reason to. I feel so terrible when it happens. I want to die because I hate looking so miserable. I hate looking in the mirror and seeing some emotionless-looking girl. I wish I had a better looking smile. It feels wrong to me, like I lost the muscles to pull my lips into a smile. When I grin, it feels wrong, unusual, deformed.
I wish I could help everyone. I wish that my dad, when he hurts me, I wish it would take his pain away, that he could be happy for once. I wish he would smile more, that his boss will give him a raise, and his co-workers could climb off his back. I wish some stupid miracle would pull him out of debt and that everything in our house would stop breaking because we can’t afford to fix it. I wish he’d stop thinking about my on-coming death or my dog’s weak immune system. I wish he’d not bad mouth my mother so often.
I wish my brother would come off his addiction, his obsession, his drug. I wish he wouldn’t hate me for talking to him. I wish he didn’t have such a disgusting psychotic state. I wish he would smile more.
I wish my mom would be content with the money she’s getting, that she’d stop being so cynical about everything. I wish she would smile more.
I wish my sister would smile more.
I don’t have anyone to talk to except for posting useless idiocy on Facebook to make it seem like I have a life. (Now that I say it, it sounds stupid. Facebook isn’t any way to live. Maybe I should quit that, too.)
I hope I die soon.
I wish that whenever there’s a girl around (or a boy) who’s lost in pain and utterly hopeless near me…that my heart would beat faster and I could find them and wrap my arms around them and hold them tightly because their life depends on it.
Someone once told me that two birds with broken wings can’t learn to fly together.
Fuck that.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Love for me?
I believe it impossible now, for anyone to possibly love me.No, this
isn’t a sob story, not at all. It’s merely a thought stretched out. A
thought that I’ll say was reality knocking me down again.
I tried to love this boy because he was alone, so alone and hateful and sad and depressed. I saw him for what he was and I reached out, I thought I could help. Next thing I know we’re two birds in a tree, chilling together, enjoying each other.
And then he said he loved me.
And I was frozen in this moment where I couldn’t say that I loved him back. I wanted to, so bad, but I knew I couldn’t because I was possibly still in love with a boy that I broke up with almost a year ago.
So I told him that all I had for him was lust, not love, but eventually it changed and I felt something for him. And he was so convinced he was unloved by the world, no one could ever, /ever/ be with him.
So I told him he was loved. He asked me if I loved him, I said yes, I love you, I said.
And today, this day after, I was thinking and thinking and I was trapped in my own fucking prison. The prison of my mind.
I thought about how I felt when all the sudden, the boy who convinced me that he was in love with me for months, and I him, that boy who suddenly fell out. Who “died”. What if really, he only told me he loved me so I wouldn’t fell so fucking /alone/.
I couldn’t allow what happened to me to happen to this New boy.
So I told him that I didn’t want to hurt him, and that I’m leaving. Just like that.
And I want to die.
I don’t even wait for the other boy anymore, he’s too much like me, too uncaring, too hurt, too depressed.
And so is this boy, it’s all the same.
And I can’t do this anymore.
I’m going to stop trying.
I have no will to survive.
Let my sickness kill me.
I tried to love this boy because he was alone, so alone and hateful and sad and depressed. I saw him for what he was and I reached out, I thought I could help. Next thing I know we’re two birds in a tree, chilling together, enjoying each other.
And then he said he loved me.
And I was frozen in this moment where I couldn’t say that I loved him back. I wanted to, so bad, but I knew I couldn’t because I was possibly still in love with a boy that I broke up with almost a year ago.
So I told him that all I had for him was lust, not love, but eventually it changed and I felt something for him. And he was so convinced he was unloved by the world, no one could ever, /ever/ be with him.
So I told him he was loved. He asked me if I loved him, I said yes, I love you, I said.
And today, this day after, I was thinking and thinking and I was trapped in my own fucking prison. The prison of my mind.
I thought about how I felt when all the sudden, the boy who convinced me that he was in love with me for months, and I him, that boy who suddenly fell out. Who “died”. What if really, he only told me he loved me so I wouldn’t fell so fucking /alone/.
I couldn’t allow what happened to me to happen to this New boy.
So I told him that I didn’t want to hurt him, and that I’m leaving. Just like that.
And I want to die.
I don’t even wait for the other boy anymore, he’s too much like me, too uncaring, too hurt, too depressed.
And so is this boy, it’s all the same.
And I can’t do this anymore.
I’m going to stop trying.
I have no will to survive.
Let my sickness kill me.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
FUCK SOCIETY
[6:00:54 PM] tHeMaGnIfIcEnTePiToMeOfFuCk: Good. At least you can see through the fucking veil put over eyes by society. I wish everyone would stop caring about what others think. Stop being so damn serious and stop getting so upset over /nothing/. Chill out and kick back and take a fucking BREAK from stressing. Look around themselves and count their blessings instead of LOOKING for pain and trouble and hurtful things. Sure Im a goddamn hypocrite. I don't care what others think of me, I don't care about myself at fucking all, but I do care about others. I DO care how they live their life and how they're affecting others.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Just.
When you two-three wake up I want you to look in the mirror and smile--AND THEN HOLD IT, don't just suddenly frown at yourself and wander off all depressed! Smile and smile and make a funny face, and then walk away laughing.
And I know most of you have hard lives, very hard lives, and even if your life isn't hard, there are some complications that can be very difficult on you emotionally, but for some reason, even if I can't see you or hear you...Even if I haven't met you face-to-face...I care if you're happy. I will be off at my friend's house or at the movies with my father, and I will be thinking about -everyone- wondering how you're doing right now.
Hoping you're dreaming of peace and happiness.
I do think a lot, every second of the day my mind produces five different thoughts that I can either grab hold of or let wander.
My imagination is so damn intense that if I think about someone stabbing me I'll feel it. And I will be so uncomfortable for the longest time.
It's not right, I know. Maybe I need medicine or therapy, but I don't care. I've been trying hard not to dwell on the troubles in my life because I've evaluated them for years and it's gotten me no where. So I look at others and pray to help -them-. I don't give a damn about myself anymore aside from one thing that I'm working on- saving my own life...Changing my path and hoping for the best, even though hoping has never really actually...well, worked for me.
But, listen, I absolutely enjoy hearing about your troubles, not in a sadistic way, but in a way that it takes my mind off of my sick imagination and stupid fantasies and my own hardships, and allows me to focus on YOU.
You guys are my greatest treasures, my most prideful accomplishments! That I was able to find humans so beautiful and unique and friendly and silly and funny and just a perfect -joy- to talk to! It just amazes me.
And I don't ever want to lose you three, so continue to talk to me, and continue to live your lives and hope for the best because maybe, since I'm hoping for your best, our hopes will add up and your lives will turn and you'll reach the top and actually feel complete and utter happiness and have everything you could ever hope to have (in a simple way, not like, a billion dollars) and then you'll just have a peaceful, downhill guidance from there.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Dear Father,
Who the hell are you to keep me from seeing my family? Why do you think you have the right to contain me in this hell-hole where there's nothing to see and do. You can't legally hold me here nor can you financially afford it or do -anything- with me here. Let me spend my days with my family who I haven't seen in over a year. You see me every day and every night so just suck it up and stop acting like the child you know you are. Oh, you were robbed of me for the past two summers? Wrong. I was here last summer, I chose to come back and all I got in return was being your damn slave. You suddenly care for me? This is me not caring for your crap anymore.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Who am I to cry?
To cry, to break under the world when I'm exactly the same as the monsters I hate.
I feel like everyone around me wants to die.
Everyone I know.
My father.
My mother.
My brother.
My friends.
My love.
They are all. Suicidal.
Under them, is where I break. Where I give up and crawl back into my little cave of fucking misery. Where I begin again, to ignore the world, to muffle it all into an eerie silence. Where I watch everything pass by and think to myself, talk to myself, philosophize with myself.
And it is in that cave, with their eyes watching me, where they break. And there starts the never ending cycle of hate and death. A father beats his daughter and she grows up to kill herself in front of her son, her son is bullied at school, he murders his bullies. The siblings of those victims become druggies, drunks, and ruin the lives of their future spouses, children. Those children end up orphans or victims of abuse, they grow up and give birth to children of Depression. Those children begin to eat away at the lives of everyone close to them, their friends, family, loves. Everyone is affected if those Children commit suicide. Their friends, family, loves, screwed up and take their anger out on those who caused the suicide. The world. And it never ends. Ever. A cycle of hate will always be stronger than the little ounce of temporary love splashed over the fucking gram.
I sit there and I scream under the pressure. I cry. I mourn the deaths and despise the ungrateful selfishness of those who decide to give it up, to fuck the world and shoot themselves, hang themselves, drug themselves. I sit there and I scream out my pain in observing the world. I voice my agony, that silent hurt I had been housing. And in the inside I want to just step out in front of a moving car. I want to die, too, I thought to myself. And then it dawned on me that I'm exactly the same as those breaking me. I am the broken breaker.
I feel like everyone around me wants to die.
Everyone I know.
My father.
My mother.
My brother.
My friends.
My love.
They are all. Suicidal.
Under them, is where I break. Where I give up and crawl back into my little cave of fucking misery. Where I begin again, to ignore the world, to muffle it all into an eerie silence. Where I watch everything pass by and think to myself, talk to myself, philosophize with myself.
And it is in that cave, with their eyes watching me, where they break. And there starts the never ending cycle of hate and death. A father beats his daughter and she grows up to kill herself in front of her son, her son is bullied at school, he murders his bullies. The siblings of those victims become druggies, drunks, and ruin the lives of their future spouses, children. Those children end up orphans or victims of abuse, they grow up and give birth to children of Depression. Those children begin to eat away at the lives of everyone close to them, their friends, family, loves. Everyone is affected if those Children commit suicide. Their friends, family, loves, screwed up and take their anger out on those who caused the suicide. The world. And it never ends. Ever. A cycle of hate will always be stronger than the little ounce of temporary love splashed over the fucking gram.
I sit there and I scream under the pressure. I cry. I mourn the deaths and despise the ungrateful selfishness of those who decide to give it up, to fuck the world and shoot themselves, hang themselves, drug themselves. I sit there and I scream out my pain in observing the world. I voice my agony, that silent hurt I had been housing. And in the inside I want to just step out in front of a moving car. I want to die, too, I thought to myself. And then it dawned on me that I'm exactly the same as those breaking me. I am the broken breaker.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Greetings Dan
That is, if you came to check.
Which you probably didn't.
Which means I am talking to myself.
Honestly, why would you give a fuck.
Ehem. Why would Dan give a fuck?
I'm just some random chick he apparently thought was pretty. (Which I'm not. As I have said 10billion times)
So I burst his bubble with the cold hard recent facts of my life:
I'm 16.
In love.
Dying.
--
He thought it was bullshit.
Whatever.
my life is complete bullshit.
I deserved that.
Which you probably didn't.
Which means I am talking to myself.
Honestly, why would you give a fuck.
Ehem. Why would Dan give a fuck?
I'm just some random chick he apparently thought was pretty. (Which I'm not. As I have said 10billion times)
So I burst his bubble with the cold hard recent facts of my life:
I'm 16.
In love.
Dying.
--
He thought it was bullshit.
Whatever.
my life is complete bullshit.
I deserved that.
Friday, April 27, 2012
I am tired. Hopelessly exhausted. I want to sleep and never wake up.
My heart throbs painfully when you talk to me. I feel that every word you type, every syllable you speak, is another rip in my flesh. I can see the raw, red, agonizing strain between my skin as it separates so slowly. I wish you would go away. I wish I could forget you. I wish I could take back every broken promise, every hurtful argument, every picture, every tear. I want to forget you. To forget everyone. I want it all to end.
And it's coming.
Coming for me.
And I will stand here and open my arms and wait for death to embrace me.
My heart throbs painfully when you talk to me. I feel that every word you type, every syllable you speak, is another rip in my flesh. I can see the raw, red, agonizing strain between my skin as it separates so slowly. I wish you would go away. I wish I could forget you. I wish I could take back every broken promise, every hurtful argument, every picture, every tear. I want to forget you. To forget everyone. I want it all to end.
And it's coming.
Coming for me.
And I will stand here and open my arms and wait for death to embrace me.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
You Didn't Save Me
Had a nightmare. Woke up panting and hot. Figured I should tell my friend who was in it.
Started out as the age I am now, except hair longer and an auburn red. Walked home from school one day and was almost kidnapped by creepy black guy named Deron who Asked if I needed a ride and was trying to seduce me into his car. I was pretty rude to him actually. After a few more weeks of this he drove by my house and saw where I lived when he spotted me closing the garage. A week before that Jonny and his brother Itachi was at my home. Idk why and idk what we did, but they were there.
And I think they went to a play, my role was like, a musical something. (xD) The audience loved me for my part they were ooohing and ahhhing when I kinda just sat there and let the narrator narrate. My ears kept falling off. Then my role was over and I was sent to sit in the audience. Had a special seat. One of the boys was leading me to it because I was a rookie in the theatre business. Had to climb down an enormous, steep mountain it was like, completely vertical. Shelby Green was there yapping on and on about some chick she hates as we climbed. I reached the bottom.
Then I was on a roof in dress looking for another dress. (O.o) I really...I don't know.
Then I was in a lounge with you and about 10 other Cast members. You were in the audience before and followed me into the lounge I guess. I was talking about something for a while until I realized you were there, so i began to goof around with you and not to long later my friends caught onto your accent. And you found this girl that was like, your long lost buddy. And you two recited this poem asking if you knew eachother. She couldn't remember you.
So then I was in my room looking for a dress again and holding this padlock that would supposedly bring back this girl's memory. I wanted to do that for you. Anything for a friend, right? :D
Next thing I know, I'm walking home again and texting you and your brother, Itachi, (lmao) and Deron tried to reach out of his car and grab me. I shoved him away and ran home. I walked in holding Subway. (O.o) My mother was in the entrance with a bunch of her friends. Told her what was happening to me every time I walked home. Told her who it was, what his car looked like (Blueish-silver smart car), what he parked behind (a silver, badass cut, Ferrari <3. ) They didn't really care. Only commented on the sexy car saying how sexy it was.
Aaand next thing I know it's 5 years later and you were back in my home, except we lived together (O.o) in this weird school-like building complex. Our kids were racoons (lmao? O_o) for some reason...I watched as one of the racoons were born (O_o) and the next early, early morning Daron tried to break in.
You were sleeping (and it looked rather adorable) and as soon as he kicked down the door (we were down in another room located in a looooong hallway) your long-lost friend appeared and I quickly jumped from the bed to your friend (who was on the floor) and she covered me in blankets and pillows and my hair was reeeeeeally long and a bright auburn red (huge contrast to the white sheets). You tried to hide my hair with a sheet and the minute I was completely covered Deron kicked the bedroom door down. He asked where I was, your friend leaned against me somewhat, looked out the window and pointed to the right. ("I escaped" ;) Deron, of course, figured your friend was lying and I escaped outside and ran left. You and your friend were bullshitting your way out of it and Deron left the room to pursue me. Your friend ripped the covers off you, which exposed me somewhat, but mostly my long, bright hair which you were trying to hide. And theeeen Daron walked in, saw my hair, recognized me after 5 years of whatever, got a boner, tried to grab me.
And then I was running through a grocery store and you and your friend watched as I threw object after object at my kidnapper. I was trying to slow him down, but for some reason my strength was really NOT effective at all when hurling the fruits and inanimate objects at Daron's face. Eventually he caught up to me and I was crying and crying and he was talking to a cashier when I dialed 9-1-1 and told them where I was.
Daron saw what I was doing and I ran out into the pouring rain and was sprinting away fr om him towards the lit up market mall, screaming into the phone for them to fucking hurry and save me. And then they did. And then I woke up. And I was pretty annoyed that you and your friend didn't try to save me from Deron at all.
Started out as the age I am now, except hair longer and an auburn red. Walked home from school one day and was almost kidnapped by creepy black guy named Deron who Asked if I needed a ride and was trying to seduce me into his car. I was pretty rude to him actually. After a few more weeks of this he drove by my house and saw where I lived when he spotted me closing the garage. A week before that Jonny and his brother Itachi was at my home. Idk why and idk what we did, but they were there.
And I think they went to a play, my role was like, a musical something. (xD) The audience loved me for my part they were ooohing and ahhhing when I kinda just sat there and let the narrator narrate. My ears kept falling off. Then my role was over and I was sent to sit in the audience. Had a special seat. One of the boys was leading me to it because I was a rookie in the theatre business. Had to climb down an enormous, steep mountain it was like, completely vertical. Shelby Green was there yapping on and on about some chick she hates as we climbed. I reached the bottom.
Then I was on a roof in dress looking for another dress. (O.o) I really...I don't know.
Then I was in a lounge with you and about 10 other Cast members. You were in the audience before and followed me into the lounge I guess. I was talking about something for a while until I realized you were there, so i began to goof around with you and not to long later my friends caught onto your accent. And you found this girl that was like, your long lost buddy. And you two recited this poem asking if you knew eachother. She couldn't remember you.
So then I was in my room looking for a dress again and holding this padlock that would supposedly bring back this girl's memory. I wanted to do that for you. Anything for a friend, right? :D
Next thing I know, I'm walking home again and texting you and your brother, Itachi, (lmao) and Deron tried to reach out of his car and grab me. I shoved him away and ran home. I walked in holding Subway. (O.o) My mother was in the entrance with a bunch of her friends. Told her what was happening to me every time I walked home. Told her who it was, what his car looked like (Blueish-silver smart car), what he parked behind (a silver, badass cut, Ferrari <3. ) They didn't really care. Only commented on the sexy car saying how sexy it was.
Aaand next thing I know it's 5 years later and you were back in my home, except we lived together (O.o) in this weird school-like building complex. Our kids were racoons (lmao? O_o) for some reason...I watched as one of the racoons were born (O_o) and the next early, early morning Daron tried to break in.
You were sleeping (and it looked rather adorable) and as soon as he kicked down the door (we were down in another room located in a looooong hallway) your long-lost friend appeared and I quickly jumped from the bed to your friend (who was on the floor) and she covered me in blankets and pillows and my hair was reeeeeeally long and a bright auburn red (huge contrast to the white sheets). You tried to hide my hair with a sheet and the minute I was completely covered Deron kicked the bedroom door down. He asked where I was, your friend leaned against me somewhat, looked out the window and pointed to the right. ("I escaped" ;) Deron, of course, figured your friend was lying and I escaped outside and ran left. You and your friend were bullshitting your way out of it and Deron left the room to pursue me. Your friend ripped the covers off you, which exposed me somewhat, but mostly my long, bright hair which you were trying to hide. And theeeen Daron walked in, saw my hair, recognized me after 5 years of whatever, got a boner, tried to grab me.
And then I was running through a grocery store and you and your friend watched as I threw object after object at my kidnapper. I was trying to slow him down, but for some reason my strength was really NOT effective at all when hurling the fruits and inanimate objects at Daron's face. Eventually he caught up to me and I was crying and crying and he was talking to a cashier when I dialed 9-1-1 and told them where I was.
Daron saw what I was doing and I ran out into the pouring rain and was sprinting away fr om him towards the lit up market mall, screaming into the phone for them to fucking hurry and save me. And then they did. And then I woke up. And I was pretty annoyed that you and your friend didn't try to save me from Deron at all.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
I'll bet you think I've forgotten you.
I haven't.
I still think about you every fucking day, unfortunately. Not that you're unpleasing to my thoughts, just, the fact you're not mine.
My surgery is on Monday. Hopefully I don't die. Yep.
I feel a bit skinnier, yay! Not eating is highly effective, thank you, so much, God. I love you. Keep helping me lose weight. I need to drop about 35 pounds in a month. If I can do that. I'll live. If I drop them too slow, I'll die. Shock the brain. That's the cure.
I feel naughty. Not good. xD I need to be more saint..y. Sainty and spiritual and goody girl.
Last night, after school ended, I boarded Jacy and Spirit's school bus. The Russian senior was checking me out in a way that made me think he has x-ray vision. I literally felt naked. Boys suck.
We got the red done in Spirit's dirty-blonde hair by the time Jared, Jacy's boyfriend, arrived.
My computer blue screened a lot.
All 4 of us walked the long, harsh, hot, Texasy, way to Tom Thumb.
Bought blue koolaid.
Bought orange kool aid.
I successfully creeped out one of the workers. Ha-cha.
The old people were staring at us.
Jacy has badass hair.
Spirit was in the process of completing her badass hair.
I have badass bloody hair.
Jared has badass hair.
I know what people stared at us.
We're sexy fuckers.
Got home.
Dyed some awesome parts of Jacy's hair sky blue.
Dyed Jared's hair sky blue.
Completed Spirit's flame hair with the orange.
I sat around laughing and helping the little angels as they moaned and groaned in discomfort and pain. Sitting with your back arched against a glass table SUCKS.
Having your skin burned by scalding steam is agonizing.
At one point Jared needed relief so I wrapped his hair in a towel since he was choking on his gum, he got it all over the place and in the process spilled boiling hot kool aid down Spirit's shirt.
She was screaming, he was screaming, Jacy and I were laughing are asses off.
I cleaned them up and got them back to their original positions.
We played with chalk, listened to music, cleaned, finished doing our hair, watched Arrietty, ate pizza, ate popcorn, ate cookies. Danced.
Jared's parents took me home.
Went to bed.
I still think about you every fucking day, unfortunately. Not that you're unpleasing to my thoughts, just, the fact you're not mine.
My surgery is on Monday. Hopefully I don't die. Yep.
I feel a bit skinnier, yay! Not eating is highly effective, thank you, so much, God. I love you. Keep helping me lose weight. I need to drop about 35 pounds in a month. If I can do that. I'll live. If I drop them too slow, I'll die. Shock the brain. That's the cure.
I feel naughty. Not good. xD I need to be more saint..y. Sainty and spiritual and goody girl.
Last night, after school ended, I boarded Jacy and Spirit's school bus. The Russian senior was checking me out in a way that made me think he has x-ray vision. I literally felt naked. Boys suck.
We got the red done in Spirit's dirty-blonde hair by the time Jared, Jacy's boyfriend, arrived.
My computer blue screened a lot.
All 4 of us walked the long, harsh, hot, Texasy, way to Tom Thumb.
Bought blue koolaid.
Bought orange kool aid.
I successfully creeped out one of the workers. Ha-cha.
The old people were staring at us.
Jacy has badass hair.
Spirit was in the process of completing her badass hair.
I have badass bloody hair.
Jared has badass hair.
I know what people stared at us.
We're sexy fuckers.
Got home.
Dyed some awesome parts of Jacy's hair sky blue.
Dyed Jared's hair sky blue.
Completed Spirit's flame hair with the orange.
I sat around laughing and helping the little angels as they moaned and groaned in discomfort and pain. Sitting with your back arched against a glass table SUCKS.
Having your skin burned by scalding steam is agonizing.
At one point Jared needed relief so I wrapped his hair in a towel since he was choking on his gum, he got it all over the place and in the process spilled boiling hot kool aid down Spirit's shirt.
She was screaming, he was screaming, Jacy and I were laughing are asses off.
I cleaned them up and got them back to their original positions.
We played with chalk, listened to music, cleaned, finished doing our hair, watched Arrietty, ate pizza, ate popcorn, ate cookies. Danced.
Jared's parents took me home.
Went to bed.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Texts To and From my Mother's Sister
Would you pleeeeeease refrain from callllling or texting my mooooom? I literally have at most 6 hours left with her and then she's yours for another 4 months. Understand my desperation.
Kelsy ,no I don't understand your desperation, u never love and respet your mother how she deserve,your never change your nasty actitud.U don't think is a little late.
With all do respect, you don't know my heart or mind. You wouldn't understand my emotions. That's apparent. No I don't think it's late at all.
Your heart must be made by iron,because every time just come out your mouse bad thing to say to my sister without any emotion
No. That's what happens after I see too many sick things. Again, you wouldn't understand. And I'm glad you don't.
You have excusas for everything,but watever is you don't have any right to treat my sister the way u do,is your Mother no matter what
It's called "honesty". Look it up. Oh, and look up "excuse" while you're at it...Maybe even "truth"? I understand everything I say and do, Luisis. In America it's called Freedom of Speech. If you're being abused, you're allowed to speak out. If you've been raped, you won't be condemned if you report who it was. If you are angry...You can say whatever you want. But it's your conscience and your morals and your sense of humanity that sways your actions towards the people around you.
your being abused or raped?
Yes, I am being abused. Why the hell do you care? Did you not stand by and watch your family be abused and raped. Did you not stand by? Was there honestly NOTHING you could have done?
Wy u don't say whay u realy want to say ,stop going around the bushes
In wich way u r been abused,because they yield at lot and u have to clean.,study ,and do what they tell u to do?But if u been raped wy u didin't say anything before ,because that is a big and delicate matter and tell your father about that
I didn't say I was reaped and in the first place: I didn't SAY offhand that I was being abused either. I was using those as examples of MY RIGHTS since you think I have none. Luisis, I have no motivation to continue this conversation with you because I have a feeling- since you're not as smart as my mother- I know you'll cause this conversation to bite me in the ass. Au revior
Like always ,u have such a big mouse, I don't hae any respect for u don't bother answering.
I am a big mouse. And you're a big elephant. Which is why you're scared of me. -- The only reason I won't tell you what I REALLY think; what I REALLY feel and SEE...is because the way you hurt my mother with your mouth. You act like you care about her, but it was of your constant pushing of my mother to get a divorce over the years that you've destroyed not only her, but her entire family she's worked hard to raise. In the end, it will be Your fault she commits suicide. Especially if you show her this conversation. Which proves a few things: 1. You're stupid. 2. You don't love her at all. 3. If you show her or tell her even one word of this conversation to her or anyone who might show her, I will not hold back. I don't hold any heartless, brainless, spineless idiot high in my books. Who are you to tell her advice when she was the MOST successful in marriage and kids then you or your two other siblings. She was a wonderful wife and mother. You wanted to destroy that. You worked for it for years. You wanted her to be a lonely old hag, hm? You didn't want her to watch us grow or to love us in any way. I actually thought you cared about me. Good try. I thought you loved me. You proved me wrong with the first words out of your conniving mouth.
Wrong ,u all push my sister beyond the limits ,u know better , don't blame me,am not the only one u think in this way, u r a very selfish ,and a big liar.
Honey, if you want me to understand you...Try to speak English.
Whatever.
I see u have a lot of time an your hand to insult people .Maybe u look your on room how dirty is . That is your personality
Intelligent. My room is clean currently. And yes, I have time. I know how to multitask, do you not? I'm conversing with you, skyping a friend, writing an essay, and doing 4 subjects of homework. What about you?
----
There was no reply. If there is one later I'll add it.
Kelsy ,no I don't understand your desperation, u never love and respet your mother how she deserve,your never change your nasty actitud.U don't think is a little late.
With all do respect, you don't know my heart or mind. You wouldn't understand my emotions. That's apparent. No I don't think it's late at all.
Your heart must be made by iron,because every time just come out your mouse bad thing to say to my sister without any emotion
No. That's what happens after I see too many sick things. Again, you wouldn't understand. And I'm glad you don't.
You have excusas for everything,but watever is you don't have any right to treat my sister the way u do,is your Mother no matter what
It's called "honesty". Look it up. Oh, and look up "excuse" while you're at it...Maybe even "truth"? I understand everything I say and do, Luisis. In America it's called Freedom of Speech. If you're being abused, you're allowed to speak out. If you've been raped, you won't be condemned if you report who it was. If you are angry...You can say whatever you want. But it's your conscience and your morals and your sense of humanity that sways your actions towards the people around you.
your being abused or raped?
Yes, I am being abused. Why the hell do you care? Did you not stand by and watch your family be abused and raped. Did you not stand by? Was there honestly NOTHING you could have done?
Wy u don't say whay u realy want to say ,stop going around the bushes
In wich way u r been abused,because they yield at lot and u have to clean.,study ,and do what they tell u to do?But if u been raped wy u didin't say anything before ,because that is a big and delicate matter and tell your father about that
I didn't say I was reaped and in the first place: I didn't SAY offhand that I was being abused either. I was using those as examples of MY RIGHTS since you think I have none. Luisis, I have no motivation to continue this conversation with you because I have a feeling- since you're not as smart as my mother- I know you'll cause this conversation to bite me in the ass. Au revior
Like always ,u have such a big mouse, I don't hae any respect for u don't bother answering.
I am a big mouse. And you're a big elephant. Which is why you're scared of me. -- The only reason I won't tell you what I REALLY think; what I REALLY feel and SEE...is because the way you hurt my mother with your mouth. You act like you care about her, but it was of your constant pushing of my mother to get a divorce over the years that you've destroyed not only her, but her entire family she's worked hard to raise. In the end, it will be Your fault she commits suicide. Especially if you show her this conversation. Which proves a few things: 1. You're stupid. 2. You don't love her at all. 3. If you show her or tell her even one word of this conversation to her or anyone who might show her, I will not hold back. I don't hold any heartless, brainless, spineless idiot high in my books. Who are you to tell her advice when she was the MOST successful in marriage and kids then you or your two other siblings. She was a wonderful wife and mother. You wanted to destroy that. You worked for it for years. You wanted her to be a lonely old hag, hm? You didn't want her to watch us grow or to love us in any way. I actually thought you cared about me. Good try. I thought you loved me. You proved me wrong with the first words out of your conniving mouth.
Wrong ,u all push my sister beyond the limits ,u know better , don't blame me,am not the only one u think in this way, u r a very selfish ,and a big liar.
Honey, if you want me to understand you...Try to speak English.
Whatever.
I see u have a lot of time an your hand to insult people .Maybe u look your on room how dirty is . That is your personality
Intelligent. My room is clean currently. And yes, I have time. I know how to multitask, do you not? I'm conversing with you, skyping a friend, writing an essay, and doing 4 subjects of homework. What about you?
----
There was no reply. If there is one later I'll add it.
Friday, March 2, 2012
[quote="Yendys"]I like teh unicorns.[/quote]
New sig.
"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?"
— [i]The Mad Hatter..[/i] [img]http://i802.photobucket.com/albums/yy305/madsqueaky/avatar43308_28.gif[/img]
[url=http://tektek.org/avatar/41700047][img]http://img807.imageshack.us/img807/5332/tek4e2f050701a4d5681707.png[/img][/url]
Roo Trams - Ravenclaw
[url=http://tektek.org/avatar/41700287][img]http://img232.imageshack.us/img232/8757/tek4e2f05d51517a6142423.png[/img][/url]
Kiera Hunter - Hufflepuff
(halflingbodygaurd)
old sig
New sig.
"If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?"
— [i]The Mad Hatter..[/i] [img]http://i802.photobucket.com/albums/yy305/madsqueaky/avatar43308_28.gif[/img]
[url=http://tektek.org/avatar/41700047][img]http://img807.imageshack.us/img807/5332/tek4e2f050701a4d5681707.png[/img][/url]
Roo Trams - Ravenclaw
[url=http://tektek.org/avatar/41700287][img]http://img232.imageshack.us/img232/8757/tek4e2f05d51517a6142423.png[/img][/url]
Kiera Hunter - Hufflepuff
(halflingbodygaurd)
old sig
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Band Bashers = Retarded Pricks
This is a very, very old Note I wrote on Facebook. It was inspired by my boyfriend at the time as he sent me links to some asshole bashing my favorite band.
"
"
I -really- don't give a shit, who you are or what you do, if you go around pissing on a band that "you don't like", reconsider it.
Chances are, you're going to run into a fan of said band, and the fight is not going to be a pretty one. I don't know about any of you, but I stand up for my bands.
If I hear you talking about how you think some band I -love- is "fucking gay", "full of faggots" or has "shitty music" and I think otherwise? EXPECT to have some freaking short girl, with brown hair bitching in your face.
Personally, I absolutely hate most people that absolutely hate my favorite band. And that band? Is MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE.
Don't think you have shit on a band because of it's name. I mean, what the hell? Wanna talk about names? I'll give you some names to laugh about. Did you know your parents used to have sex to Ding Ding Dong? Yeah? Don't believe me? Go play it for them.
If you think you have shit on a band because of how they dress or what they look like? Go look in the mirror, I'm pretty sure I can find 15 different flaws about your appearance that you won't forget.
If you think you have shit on a band because of what they freaking name. a. song??? Unless they name it "I'm going to rape your sister" then, you have no reason to have anger on a band. I mean, you must be crazy to get pissed off because it's a stupid name like "Taco Bell Is Gay".
And don't you freaking dare try and bash a band because they have a sad song about a kid dying with cancer. What's it to you? Is there something insulting about the name? Hm? Aww poor baby. Poor you. You're insulted by songs that have to do with tragedies. Well a LOT of listeners and fans of a band like that? They can relate to the song. People have screwed up lives, believe it. An' some people are only holding on because they LIVE by that music, they LOVE to hear the singer of some famous band telling a story of tragedy and then singing a happy ending and saying "I'll always be here for you".
Some of you people who do any of this must have a very large stick up your ass labeled "Life". You must be the dumb freaks who go on Youtube and bash a band when over 5 million fans can read your comment. Let me challenge you: DON'T EVER insult a band or a singer, unless you can do BETTER than that band or singer. Unless YOU can somehow gain TEN MILLION fans. TEN MILLION fans in a short 5 years that will make you rich by going to your concerts and buying your music.
Love, Kelsy.
~~~~~
#1 DUMBSHIT: http://getoffmylawnkid.blogspot.com/2010/11/bands-that-suck-balls-my-chemical.html?showComment=1311647319844#c7934218505518587538 "
Saturday, February 11, 2012
I Stare
There's obviously something wrong with me.
Why can't I get YOU out of my head!
damn...
I DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW YOU!
I don...I don't know.
I don't know you.
I've never kissed your lips.
I've never felt your warm embrace.
I've never spent the evening lying in bed with you.
All I know.
Is your voice.
Your silliness.
Your charming nature.
Your famous struggle to maintain the face of a douchebag.
The cold hard facts about how there is NOTHING between us anymore.
The sad truth that you probably never loved me.
But, love, please understand.
If I could get in a terrible accident and wake up from a coma and not remember you at all.
I'd choose that path in a heart beat.
Because I'd rather live and love than live in love and unloved.
Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. Life. Pleeease.
Why can't I get YOU out of my head!
damn...
I DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW YOU!
I don...I don't know.
I don't know you.
I've never kissed your lips.
I've never felt your warm embrace.
I've never spent the evening lying in bed with you.
All I know.
Is your voice.
Your silliness.
Your charming nature.
Your famous struggle to maintain the face of a douchebag.
The cold hard facts about how there is NOTHING between us anymore.
The sad truth that you probably never loved me.
But, love, please understand.
If I could get in a terrible accident and wake up from a coma and not remember you at all.
I'd choose that path in a heart beat.
Because I'd rather live and love than live in love and unloved.
Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. Life. Pleeease.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Oh fuck.
OH FUCK.
So I'm going about downloading songs onto Itunes from Youtube and 2conv.com and when I get to All Choked Up - Say Anything, the second top comment...Instantly struck me as...Familiar.
So I fucking visited that person's profile page.
I looked at about 5 of their comments and 10 of their video views and was 98% sure that I'd stumbled upon HIS fucking account. WTF FML what the HELL, GOD?!? Why'd you DO this to me?!
OH FUCK.
So I'm going about downloading songs onto Itunes from Youtube and 2conv.com and when I get to All Choked Up - Say Anything, the second top comment...Instantly struck me as...Familiar.
So I fucking visited that person's profile page.
I looked at about 5 of their comments and 10 of their video views and was 98% sure that I'd stumbled upon HIS fucking account. WTF FML what the HELL, GOD?!? Why'd you DO this to me?!
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"No one's home
I just sang that as loud as I possibly could
Cried
Felt a little better.